


The Flower of Life

by worriedpeach (skeletonflowers)



Series: God of Death AU [2]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Gods & Goddesses, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Lovers, Fictional Religion & Theology, Getting Back Together, Gods, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, Lovers To Enemies, M/M, Minor Character Death, Phan - Freeform, Phanfiction, Post-Break Up, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-22
Updated: 2017-09-22
Packaged: 2019-01-04 03:57:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12161076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skeletonflowers/pseuds/worriedpeach
Summary: For a thousand years Dan's regretted the choice he made in saving Prince Phil Lester's life, realizing far too late that love had never really existed for him after all. When the other gods get sick of the God of Death and the God of Life fighting, Dan and Phil find themselves chained together, forced to work out their differences in one way or another.





	The Flower of Life

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! Back at it again with another Death God AU! This takes place a thousand years after the first part, but the first part is not required to read to be able to understand this! However, it's still a fun read so i recommend it! This one is a bit sad, but there's a happy ending. Since Dan IS the God of Death, however, there is some death of minor characters so be careful! Special thanks to Elizajane for urging me on with this and making me fall in love with this AU. I literally have no idea how I wrote 13k in like three days, but somehow I did! Thank you to all of the wonderful comments I got from the last installment as well! I love you all!

Once upon a time, Dan reckoned he used to like his fellow gods. But as time passed and he became more isolated, the only being who brought sorrow to the world, Dan grew to hate the others. 

He hated the way they brought light to dreary situations. He hated the way they looked at him with pity as he disappeared from rooms to bring a passing soul to the Underworld. He hated how they seemed to think he was a lesser God because he destroyed, instead of created. 

But most of all, he hated the God of Life more than anything.

Everybody loved Phil. He was the God of Light, the God of all things Holy, basically. He brought happiness into the world, made women into mothers, made seeds bloom into flowers. He was the epitome of everything good in the world. 

But whereas Phil was wonderful and brought life to the planets, Dan brought death and destruction. He took away the life that Phil made. He was there when Phil's creations took their last exhale, was there when flowers bloomed and wilted. He was there to destroy everything that Phil made, and therefore he didn't blame Phil for hating him because of that. 

He would hate himself too, probably, if he didn't already.

And currently, for the past few years, Dan had been walking thousands of people to the Underworld nonstop, children and adults alike, with no breaks in between. As soon as he would show them the way, he would pop back up in a hospital, filled with thousands of sickly people, and he would sometimes be bringing five souls at a time to the Underworld. He didn’t have time to go see the other gods, didn’t have time to do anything but this. He was exhausted, ready to rip his hair out, because he _knew_ that Phil was going to be pissed at him for ‘killing’ Phil’s children.

Humans were fragile. Every so often, a plague would pop up, and Dan would have to ignore Phil’s wrath as he reaped the souls of thousands. This was one of those times. 

Finally, _finally_ , after years of hard work, Dan was able to catch his breath. Time moved so much more slowly in the God world than it did in the human world, so when he didn’t immediately pop up in a random place, Dan literally pumped his fist in the air and whooped so loudly that Gabrielle could probably hear him from the sky. 

He took this to his advantage and disappeared from the human world, only to pop back up in the colosseum, which was essentially where all of the gods slept, ate, and watched over the human world from the sky. It was also where they held important meetings, meetings that were typically held when Dan fucked up one way or another (which was often, to be honest). 

It didn’t take him long to be noticed, and when he _was_ , Vega quite literally attacked him, pouncing on his shoulders with a loud shriek of, “ _Daniel_!” 

Vega was the God of Space, and Dan thought she was one of the most beautiful gods there was, besides Gabrielle, at least. She had dark skin, skin as dark as the night sky, and there was a smatter of silver freckles on her cheeks that resembled stardust. Her eyes shone a deep purple and, if you looked closely, you could see specks of gold that formed constellations. Her lips were blue and glossy, and she wore the galaxy around her neck in the form of a pendant. Her hair was a deep blue, the same colour of her lips, and it sparkled with a million stars. Out of all of the people in the colosseum, Vega was Dan’s favourite, and Dan was hers. 

Dan turned to her with a small grin and hugged her, burying his nose in her neck. She always smelled like the fresh breeze from outdoors, and Dan loved that. “Hi, Vega, long time no see,” he mumbled into her neck. It had definitely been a long time. Three years, to be exact. Sometimes being Death was really exhausting.

She pulled away and reached up to remove his hood, revealing his curly hair so she could ruffle his hair. “What’s taken you so long to get back? I’m pretty sure Phil is absolutely _pissed_ at you.” 

Dan winced. That was about what he’d expected when he got back. He was surprised that Phil wasn’t the one who’d greeted him actually, tearing his head off and going on a rant about how Dan should never have taken the lives of thousands of children, and how he was a _murderer_ and a _horrible person_ and all that stuff that Dan already knew, not even being able to argue against that fact.

Yes, Dan was a horrible person. Yes, Dan was a murderer. Yes, Dan was the literal _God of Death_. Nobody needed to tell him twice, and yet Phil liked to flaunt it in his face in every way that he could that he was so much better and holier than Dan. It was _annoying_. 

“If he has a problem with me, he should take it up with Theos,” Dan muttered, because truly, the God of Fate was more at fault for killing people off. Theos was the one who chose how the humans died. Dan was just the one to help them through it. 

So why did they all blame it on _Dan_? Gods were just as idiotic as humans.

Vega crinkled her nose and smiled softly, almost like she knew something, and then her attention was turned to an area behind Dan. Dan didn’t have to look to get that normal, annoying feeling of weightlessness that told him Phil was closeby. Phil, being the God of Life and everything, emitted some sort of aura that was somewhat calming, but compared to Dan’s own _depressing_ aura, it made Dan more irritated than anything else. 

“I don’t think he’s thinking about Theos right now, Dan,” Vega murmured quietly, just as Dan heard a shrill yell of his name. 

Dan let out a sigh and turned, scowling as he caught sight of Phil. They were opposites in every single way. Whereas Dan liked wearing his black cloak over his all-black attire, Phil was a range of different colours. He had on robes of white and blue and green, and his skin glowed a pale yellow tinge, like he was the fucking sun. It was blinding and Dan didn’t like surrounding himself with bright people because it hurt his eyes. That was why he liked Vega so much, probably, because everything about her was _dark_ , and yet she was still the most vibrant being in the room. It was the aesthetic that Dan _wanted_ , but would never be able to achieve. 

“Hi, Phil,” Dan said in a bored tone. He could see fury flickering through those bright blue eyes, and Dan braced himself for the rant that was undoubtedly about to come out of his mouth. “How have you been these past three years? Birthed some babies? Bloomed some flowers?”

Phil scoffed and crossed his arms over his chest with a glare. Dan got distracted by his eyes, he always did, because they were such a different colour than Dan’s boring brown. He liked the way Phil’s eyes changed colour in the light, how they were a mixture of green and yellow and blue. To others it would be an endearing quality, but it just annoyed Dan more than anything. Why did such a horrid person get pretty eyes? 

“Yeah, I did,” Phil sneered. “And you _killed_ all of them. That was nice of you. I’m sure you enjoyed torturing me like that.” 

Dan hummed, cocking his head. “Last I heard, I was just the friendly soul who carried lost souls to the Underworld. I don’t choose their fates. Theos does.”

“Don’t blame Theos for what you’ve done,” Phil snarled, and his pretty face really didn’t look nice with such an expression. Dan watched the way his eyebrows furrowed in rapt fascination. They had this conversation more often than not, and Dan couldn’t lie. He was so _bored_ of it. Sure, he liked tormenting Phil, but he didn’t understand why Phil was angry at him and not Theos. You know, the God of _Fate_. “You’ve killed all of my children! So many children that weren’t ready for Death yet. And yet you still took them away from me! How _dare_ you.” 

Dan groaned and rubbed a hand over his face. He was tired. After three years of traveling, he just wanted to rest. He didn’t have the energy to fight and keep up this _same conversation_. Besides, how was he supposed to control who a plague took? He couldn’t do anything about it. “I’m just a lowly messenger, Phil. I don’t know what you want from me.”

“I want you to stop killing my children!” Phil shrilled, and Dan sighed. “You’ve saved a life before, so why can’t you do that with all of the children too?” 

That hurt. More than Dan would like to admit. That had been a moment of weakness, hundreds of years ago where Dan’s human emotions had taken over, made him feel something for once in his godly life. He had been blinded by the feelings, the feelings that had been absent for thousands of years, and he’d acted on a stupid whim. Dan felt Vega tense beside him, but Dan didn’t change his expression and just said, “Yeah, and you saw how well that turned out for me, Phil,” in a deadpan voice.

Dan couldn’t even explain what sort of expression Phil had then. It was something akin to venomous, but at the same time held so much pain that it nearly gave Dan whiplash. As soon as that pain appeared though, it disappeared, and the scariest thing was that Dan didn’t care. How _dare_ he use Dan’s moment of weakness against him? 

“You deserved it,” Phil hissed, and Dan grit his teeth to stop himself from recoiling.

So instead, he shrugged. He feigned nonchalance, because there was no fucking way he was going to let Phil see him weak again. He’d cast away those emotions long ago, and he’d promised himself to never get tangled up in something so _human_ again. That wasn’t him. Not anymore. He was Death, and that was never going to change. “If that’s what you believe, then I can’t change that,” Dan said softly, and without seeing Phil’s expression, he turned and began to walk away, Vega trailing behind him in confused silence.

They walked alone for a while, Dan lost in his thoughts. He could feel his physical form begin to melt away with exhaustion. He was far too tired to keep up his act anymore, so he pulled his hood over his head, tightened his cloak around his body, and allowed himself to be the living equivalent of Death, bones and all. 

“I’m sure he didn’t mean that, Dan,” Vega murmured quietly, to which Dan blew her off. Vega was one of the newer gods. She wasn’t there when _it_ happened, wasn’t there when Dan had made the biggest mistake of his life. She didn’t know what she was talking about or what had happened to lead Dan to make such a decision all those years back. Vega had been formed from a dying star. When it had exploded, the particles had somehow smashed together in just the right way to form a godly being. And thus, Vega was born, years after Dan had forgotten how to feel again. 

Dan shook his head. “He meant it,” Dan muttered, staring straight ahead. Memories pricked in his mind, memories of Dan holding a warm hand, whispering stories into dying ears, but he forced himself not to think about that. He forced himself not to think of his desperation at the time, how he’d acted without thinking, without consequence. Dan had learned that all actions had consequences since then, and he’d stopped being so rash. “He meant every god damned word that came out of his mouth.”

Vega sighed and put an arm around his shoulders, rubbing her hand against his bones soothingly. “You guys just need to kiss and make up,” she told him in a sing-song voice. “The entire colosseum has been waiting for the moment when you’ll both realise how horribly in love you two are and ride off into the sunset.” 

Dan laughed. Loudly and bitterly. It wasn’t a _ha-ha that’s so funny_ laugh. It was more of a _yeah, you’re delusional_ laugh. “Love doesn’t exist,” Dan barked out, harsher than he meant to say it. “I learned that long ago, and it’s about time that you all figured that out too.”

He broke away from Vega then, because she was muttering something about how Adoré _definitely_ existed, and how she wasn’t really sure what he was going on about. Dan didn’t try to correct himself, didn’t try to tell her that, because he was dead, love was dead. He couldn’t feel it. He didn’t _want_ to feel it. 

Once upon a time, he was probably in love. It lit up his bones and made him feel more alive than it had in years. 

But that dissolved just like Dan’s skin, dissipated over the years until the object of Dan’s affections came to hate him almost as much as Dan hated himself. It was justified. It was the cold hard truth. Dan hadn’t been able argue with Phil because Phil was _right_. 

He knew Dan better than anyone else, after all.

-

Dan slept. For the first time in three years, Dan slept. And when he slept, he dreamt. 

Nearly a thousand years ago, Dan thought he may have believed in love. Love came in the form of shy kisses that slowly became more comfortable over time, warm on cool autumn nights. Love came in the form of soft blue eyes and a voice filled with adoration, soft fingers that trailed over skin to leave goosebumps behind. Dan had fallen, and he’d fallen hard, something that made his chest ache, a ghost of where his human heart used to be. 

Dan had hardly known Phil back then, when he saved him. He’d acted on a whim because he had never seen someone so lively before, so full of life, something that Dan had craved so deeply. He’d went against the laws of fate, against Theos himself, to save a human from death. But in doing so, he’d utterly screwed himself and had been forced to make the human into a God, or else the human’s soul would have no place in life or death and he’d be stuck in Purgatory forever. 

Dan dreamt of the days when he’d once thought he could be happy. In a way, he _had_ _been_ happy. Saving Phil had opened up an entirely new world to him, but now it hurt to remember, had caused a huge rift in his dead heart that made him want to clear his mind, clear his _memories_ of anything to do with Phil. So the only time he allowed himself to remember was in sleep. Dan’s body felt hot, _welting_ , but it wasn’t enough to wake him as he succumbed to memories he’d long since tried to forget. 

There was Phil and his gentle smile the day Dan had saved him, his cool hands Dan had taken, squeezed, when Dan had asked to take him to the other gods. There was Phil and his bright aura, the one tinged yellow that Dan had loved so much. He was so bright, he _still_ was, but now Dan didn’t find comfort from it, didn’t find that same warmth that lit up his whole body. 

Phil had fit in as soon as Dan showed him off to the other gods. Gabrielle had cried. A lot. She had held Dan in her arms and told him that she’d never thought she’d see a day where he’d be so happy. Adoré had gloated in his face about how she was right, how Dan _was_ in love, and Phil had just giggled beside him, held his hand as Dan denied that fact. He hadn’t been in love. Not yet. But he had been able to see himself falling deeply in love with Phil, so he had only denied it a little bit. 

Things had been happy for a while. Dan and Phil seemed to have a special connection, where they could gain happiness just from being in the presence of one another. It was warm and comfortable, and Dan enjoyed those nights with Phil curled into his side, pressing kisses to Dan’s collarbones, whispering stories about his human life into Dan’s skin. He hadn’t even judged Dan when Dan had been in his natural state, when his skin was no longer there and his eyes were glowing red. He still said that he found Dan the most gorgeous God in the world, more beautiful than Adoré and Gabrielle combined. 

Dan thought that he had probably been in love then. 

But Dan had to teach Phil to be a God, so Phil had to start following him around, watching him as he did his godly duties. Dan could tell that it made Phil uncomfortable whenever he had to lead a soul to the underworld, but Phil assured Dan that he understood, that he knew it was something Dan had had to do.

That was, until Phil’s brother passed away at the young age of eight.

Dan didn’t even realise who it was when he’d popped up in the castle. He vaguely recognised the building, but didn’t connect the dots until Phil stiffened beside him. Dan turned to him, curious, when his attention was brought to a young child with curly red hair and a face full of freckles. Much like Phil, he was laying in bed, the life slowly dissolving from his eyes. 

There were people surrounding him - his family, Dan guessed - and a woman was sobbing into the little boy’s chest, holding him close. She was wailing, crying out that she couldn’t lose another child, and Dan always hated this part. 

Dan had a brief moment where he realised that Phil had gone completely still beside him, that he seemed to have stopped breathing completely. He turned to ask Phil if he was alright, because he knew that seeing a family member die was morbid and damaging, but didn’t have the time before a soul was beginning to form, and the breath of the little boy had left his body. 

Phil was silent as Dan lead the boy to the Underworld. He was silent when Dan ushered the boy forward, assuring him that it was okay, that he was going to be happy now and forever, that he could finally be out of pain. He was silent until Phil’s brother had passed through the doors, enveloped in a white light, never to be seen again.

And then he blew up. 

“You- you _killed_ him,” Phil whispered, and Dan turned to stare at Phil in confusion. He knew that Phil was upset, that was a given, but it completely took Dan off guard that he was blaming him for Phil’s brother’s death. “He was just a child! How could you kill him when you know how much my family means to me?” 

Dan shook his head, tried to grab Phil’s hands, but Phil ripped his hands away from him, shaking his head wildly. His eyes were dark, and it seemed as though a part of him had died along with his brother. “Phil, I didn’t kill him,” Dan said gently, full of emotion, trying to convey how he sincere he really was.

Phil shook his head too and his expression turned into a glare. “You could have _saved_ him! You could have saved him like you saved me! But you didn’t! You just let him _die_!” He pointed a finger at Dan’s chest, accusing and full of blame. “You’re a _murderer_.”

Dan didn’t know what to do. He was so in love with Phil thatto hear Phil shouting these words at him… Dan could barely fathom what he was feeling. Phil usually made him feel alive again. Phil was the person who gave Dan hope, who made him feel like he was a good person. And yet, here was Phil, telling him how horrible he was, how he was a _murderer_. Dan reckoned that if he could cry, he would be full blown sobbing by now. But instead, he just felt empty. “I- I love you,” Dan murmured uncertainly, because they’d never said it to each other before, and Dan was realising that he really _did_ love Phil, and he didn’t want to lose Phil because of his job. “I couldn’t save him. If I could, I would have.”

“You _liar_ ,” Phil snarled, stepping away from him. He was glowing so brightly that it hurt Dan’s eyes to see, and for a moment, Dan was afraid he was going to spontaneously combust. “If you loved me, you wouldn’t have killed my fucking brother. _Goodbye_ , Dan.” With each word, Dan could feel his skin began to fall away, a metaphor for how his heart was falling apart at the seams. 

And then Phil was gone, leaving Dan a broken shell in front of the entrance to the Underworld. He stayed there for a while, staring at the tall doors with a blank expression. By the entrance, there were statues of each god standing tall, their figures each holding something that signified what kind of God they were. Dan’s statue held a scythe, his famous cloak covering his features so that nobody passing could tell what he looked like unless they looked directly under the hood. Only there, they would see red jewels where his eyes were amidst his skull. He looked terrifying. He looked _evil._

But maybe that was because Phil was right. He was a murderer. He was _evil_. 

Compared to Phil and the other gods, he was the worst God, the most emotionless. The statue of Phil was holding a baby, staring at it with love in his eyes, flowers growing around him. Gabrielle was holding the world in her palm. Adoré held a heart-shaped arrow, Theos held the cross of fate, and Leonidas held a clock. 

Dan was the only one displayed as something terrifying.

After he picked himself up from the ground, he made his way back to the colosseum. He passed Theos, who was smirking at him, who muttered “serves you right for going against my will,” as he passed, but Dan was too exhausted, too upset, to argue with him. 

So instead, Dan just glared at him, eyes glowing red. “Fuck you, Theos. I hope you’re happy.” Dan knew that it had been Theos who’d ultimately decided the fate of Phil’s brother, but Dan didn’t know what to say. Phil had been the one who’d been there when Dan had taken his brother to the Underworld. He wouldn’t believe him if Dan told him that it was all Theos’ fault.

The damage was done, and Dan wasn’t sure if he could patch it back up again. He’d lost the person he loved. He’d lost hislife.

He’d lost Phil.

-

The gods were having a meeting. 

Dan didn’t know why, but he knew he had to be there, so he begrudgingly sat on his throne, his arms crossed over his chest, his legs thrown over the armrest. He refused to make eye contact with Phil, who was sat on the literal opposite side as Dan because he didn’t want to be anywhere near Dan anymore.

That was fine, Dan decided. He deserved it. That’s what he got for getting attached so quickly, before they both knew what kind of person the other was. 

Vega sat down next to Dan in her own throne and she let out a loud sigh. “I wonder what it is this time,” she muttered, sprawled in her chair so that her legs were resting on Dan’s lap. She paused for a moment before snickering. “Phil’s glaring over here now. D’ya think he’s jealous of me?” 

Dan snorted and changed his appearance, morphing into a horrifying looking girl with her lips sewn shut. He turned this glare on Vega with the hopes that it would make her the least bit intimidated, but it only made her laugh more, so he sighed and morphed back into his typical appearance. “He’s not jealous,” Dan told her flatly. “He just hates me.”

“So if I kissed you on the cheek, it _wouldn’t_ make him jealous?” Vega asked innocently, and before Dan could tell her no, she kissed him on the cheek, leaving behind a bright blue stain where her lips had touched. Vega laughed as Dan went to wipe off the offending lipstick, and she leaned in close to him, close enough so that the God on the other side of Dan - Nina - wouldn’t be able to hear. “He’s still looking. I seriously think you guys need to get out all that sexual frustration, because it’s driving me wild.”

Dan opened his mouth to tell her to shut up, but he didn’t end up having to because the meeting began and Gabrielle began to talk, her voice echoing around the walls. “Hello, Gods and Goddesses! I hope you’ve all been doing well.” A round of murmurs echoed around the room, and Dan slunk further in his seat. “I’ve decided to hold a meeting because, as you’re probably aware, our lovely God of Death is back from the war! Since he’s been gone, we have recruited two new gods! The God of Winter, ironically named Wynter, who will help balance out global warming, as well as the Goddess of Bees, Maggie! Since bees have been dying at an alarmingly fast pace, she’s been borne from the pollen of flowers to help out with that so the humans don’t die out!” 

Dan couldn’t help zoning out then, not really caring about what else she was saying. She was introducing him to Wynter and Maggie, telling them about what he does, about how he brings people to the Underworld. He could already see the disgust on their faces, but he looked past that so he could get to know what they looked like and commit it to memory.

Wynter was as pale as snow, even more pale than Phil, which Dan had thought impossible until now. He had a shock of white hair, light blue eyes, and lips that were tinged blue as well. From where Dan was sitting, it seemed as if he had a layer of thin frost on his cheeks, and he wore a crown of ice that miraculously didn’t melt. Dan thought that was very aesthetic of him.

Maggie on the other hand, seemed like a bee herself. She was tall and stick thin. She had bright orange hair and dark freckles on her cheeks, but her lips were yellow and she wore what seemed to be yellow eyeshadow. Her dress was yellow with a brown belt, and there were brown buttons at the top of her dress. She seemed like the kind of girl that Dan may have been interested in back when he was a human, but now he just regarded her with mild interest.

Gabrielle went on to talk about a few other concerns, like how Leonidas and Theos _really_ needed to keep it down at night because it was keeping the other residents up, and also went on to mention how many lives the plague had taken. When Dan heard that he’d shown over 75 million souls to the Underworld, he felt as though he were going to be sick. 

He didn’t have to look at Phil to know that he was definitely seething now. Either that, or he was trying not to throw up like Dan was.

Gabrielle sat down in her own throne now, crossing her long legs. “Any questions or comments? Concerns? What’s goin’ on in your lives?” Her relaxed demeanor made a round of giggles erupt from the gods, but Dan was more focused on how her long nails, painted light pink, were tapping on the armrest of her throne. He’d always liked nail polish, but Dan had been afraid of it for the longest time for no reason. He looked at his own nails, how they were bitten down and devoid of colour, and made a decision right then to change that. 

As Adoré stood up to announce something, Dan’s nails grew a few centimetres and shined a pretty black, and he smiled gleefully. 

“Something’s been brought to my attention by some of our fellow gods,” Adoré said, her voice echoing around the room. She flicked her red hair over her shoulder, and Dan liked the way the curls bounced as she did so. He didn’t know why he was always so obsessed with long hair, but he _was_ , and that was a problem. “It seems that Dan doesn’t believe I exist!”

Just like that, Dan’s attention was brought back to Adoré, who was smirking at him, and he full-out gaped at her. What the fuck was that supposed to mean? Obviously he thought she existed. She was right there in front of him!

Gabrielle hummed. There was mischief in her eyes as she leaned back and clasped her fingers together in intrigue. “Explain yourself, Adoré. What do you mean?”

“Well,” Adoré said slowly, and her smirk only grew. All of the attention was on Dan, and Dan _hated_ that. He didn’t want them to look at him. He wanted them all to just pretend like he wasn’t there like usual. Vega went ‘uh oh’ under her breath, and Dan turned to glare at her. Was this her fault? “It seems as though our God of Death doesn’t believe in love! I could understand that if he were a mere human, but he’s seen me, he knows love is real, so why am I hearing such horrible things?” 

Everyone was looking at Dan, waiting for an answer. Dan growled, his eyes beginning to glow, his cloak quivering. Right now would be a good time to pop out of there, but Dan found Theos grinning wickedly at him, and he knew that Theos wouldn’t be killing anyone off right then. He was enjoying Dan’s discomfort far too much.

After Dan refused to reply, Gabrielle spoke up, her eyes soft, her tone indecipherable. “Do you want to explain what you meant by that, Dan?” 

“Not really,” Dan said nonchalantly, dragging a hand through his hair. His hand was shaking and it pissed him off. “Nothing to explain. I don’t believe love is possible for me. That’s it.”

He could have sworn he’d seen Phil flinch, but that was probably just his mind playing tricks on him. 

“Well why wouldn’t it be possible for you?” Adoré asked, annoyance seeping through her tone. “Love is inclusive. It can affect anyone. So why wouldn’t it be possible for you?”

Dan could feel himself getting more pissed off as the questions kept coming. Didn’t they understand that he didn’t want to talk about it? That he didn’t want to relive those stupid memories where he’d thought he was in love? He knew they wouldn’t stop pressuring him though, so he spit out an answer despite his reluctance. “I’m the only God who doesn’t have human emotions. You guys _know_ this. I’m the God of Death. I don’t deserve love because of who I am and what I do. Just like anything else in the world, love just withers up and dies. Every time you think you love something, it turns around and ends up hurting you. It’s _fine_ , Adoré. I recognise that you’re here, that you exist. But love can’t exist for me, and that’s that.”

The colosseum was quiet after that, and Dan sunk further into his chair. He was annoyed, pissed off, that they would just call him out like that and force him to speak about his experiences when he didn’t want to do such a thing at all. He didn’t want to relive his past. He didn’t want to think about how utterly and horribly _delusional_ he’d been when he’d thought somebody could have possibly loved him.

 _Him_ , the God of Death. How unrealistic. 

Finally, after a moment, Theos spoke, and Dan wanted to strangle him. Ever since Theos had killed off Phil’s brother, Dan’ had wanted to show _him_ to the Underworld, yet sadly he knew that wasn’t possible. A God never dies. But Dan so badly wanted to kill him. “How goth of you, Dan,” Theos hummed, and he was leaning forward in his seat, his legs dangling. Dan’s eyes were drawn to those legs, how they couldn’t touch the ground, how he was kicking them back and forth like he was trying to walk while sitting. “Though I do quite remember you refusing to kill off a certain human once because you had too many feelings for him. Some of us even thought you were in _love_. Wonder when that changed.”

Vega reached over and grabbed Dan’s hand in a soothing manner, a way for her to tell him that she was there for him and that she didn’t agree with what was happening. Dan didn’t know why the other gods were allowing Theos to say such things to him. Obviously it was a sensitive topic for him, one he never wanted to talk about.

“What’s _changed_ ,” Dan gritted out, “is that I realised love is a concept that people go their whole lives seeking out, and when they find it, they give their hearts up so easily and watch as it gets stomped into the ground. Love destroys. You guys can believe in love and praise it all you want, but I don’t want anything to do with it. I already destroy enough lives. I don’t need to add another chemical into the mix.”

Vega spoke then, over the sounds of the angry murmuring among the other gods. “You don’t destroy lives, Dan,” she told him loudly, loud enough so that the whole colosseum could hear her. “You help lost souls find their way to eternal happiness. If you weren’t there, they’d be lost in Purgatory, attempting to find the doors themselves. You _help_ them. You don’t destroy.”

Dan didn’t agree. And Phil definitely didn’t agree, judging by his scoff and declaration of, “I beg to differ. If you all recall, Dan taught me how to be a God. I had to follow him around and see all of the harm he’s done. While he does show souls to the Underworld, he also brings death and sorrow to families, and that’s something that will never change.” Phil sneered at him and Dan had a brief moment where he wondered when Phil had gone from a ray of sunshine to this being full of resentment towards Dan. 

To everyone else, Phil _was_ the ray of sunshine. He was kind and loving and everything that Dan was not. He brought life to the world around him, made all of their fellow gods and goddesses fall in love with him in one way, shape, or form. Dan would be surprised if he didn’t have a lot of gods who wanted to be _with_ him, like Dan had been so long ago.

But to Dan? Phil was horrible. He was mean. He hated him, blamed him for his brother’s death. He was blissfully unaware of how Theos had planned the whole thing out, how Theos had hated Dan so much that he had chosen Dan’s one weakness in order to tear him apart. It was the lowest of lows, and yet Dan didn’t blame Phil for hating him so much. Dan deserved all of the hate. He was not a good God, after all.

“Phil, stop antagonizing Dan,” Gabrielle ordered, giving Phil a hard stare. It made Phil sit back in his throne, crossing his arms over his chest. But it didn’t stop the glare. Dan could feel it stabbing through his head, a hot knife that melted his skin whilst cutting through him like butter. Dan ignored it the best he could, feigning disinterest. “This feud you both have has going on has gone on for long enough. A thousand years too long, in fact.” Dan agreed with that, but he didn’t like where this was going. “What can we do to help you two get on better terms?”

“Condemn him to the Underworld,” Phil said cockily, and Dan rolled his eyes.

“If I could go to the Underworld, then I would have long before you were born, Phil,” Dan deadpanned. 

Gabrielle stalked across the colosseum in long strides, and Dan expected it when she put her foot on his chest, the heel of her stilettos digging into his chest. It kind of reminded him of those cartoons humans liked to watch. He didn’t remember what they were called. Mangos? Animoos? Dan was lost when it came to this kind of thing. 

She leaned in close to Dan, but he didn’t flinch back, just stared into her dark eyes with boredom. He’d had years of lectures from her, so he was used to this kind of thing. “If I hadn’t saved your sorry ass all those centuries ago, you would have been dead in the ground with your soul lost in Purgatory. Be grateful for what I’ve given you, Daniel.”

“Yes, mum,” Dan groaned, and she patted his face, smiling at him. 

Then she turned, addressing the rest of the gods. She didn’t seem to care that everybody had seen their exchange, and Dan didn’t particularly care either. It was pretty common knowledge that Gabrielle had saved Dan’s life thousands of years ago, therefore making him into a God. “Ideas on how to make the God of Life and the God of Death kiss and make up like they should have _a long time ago_?” She said the last words with a serious glance towards Dan, which was dumb because it was _Phil_ who’d caused the rift between them. 

What did she expect him to do? Force Phil to like him?

Each God took their turns with suggestions. Someone told her that she should just condemn both Dan and Phil to Purgatory, strip away their godly rights. Dan didn’t see who’d said it, but he let out a loud “Amen!” to that one, which Gabrielle gave him another glare.

And then Adoré stood up, and Dan immediately knew he was screwed. “Since Dan’s deeply hurt my feelings, I feel like I should be the one who chooses what they do,” she said, and Dan’s heart sunk. This was not going to be good at all.

Yet Gabrielle was intrigued. “Go on.”

“We chain them together.” If Dan could breathe, he would have stopped. He was pretty sure Phil was about ready to keel over and die as well. “Make them go everywhere together. Make Dan see the way Phil does his job and make Phil watch as Dan does his.” 

Phil was shaking his head, his hair flying this way and that. “No. No way. I already followed him around for ages when he was my mentor. There’s no way I’m going to want to do _that_ again. I can’t watch as he kills everything I create.” 

Dan sighed, drawing attention to himself. He finally looked at Phil, straight into those stupid eyes that he’d once found so irresistible. “Stop being such a baby, Phil. The lives you create have no point. They were all born to _die_. So really? There’s literally no point in fighting me, considering everything will come to an end eventually. You’re shouting into the void here, _dear_.” The nickname was harsh, and Dan knew that. But he didn’t want to sit here and let Phil talk shit about him anymore while he did nothing about it. 

He wanted to hurt Phil like Phil was hurting him.

Phil shot out of his seat like an arrow, almost like he was about to run all the way across the distance to Dan and deck him in the face. His expression was murderous. “You take that back!” he exclaimed. “Life is beautiful! There’s so much worth _living for_ , so much more than just death. There’s falling in love, getting married, being _happy_. There’s so much, Dan. But _you_ wouldn’t know, because all you care about is death, and who is going to die! You don’t care about anything but that. You only care about yourself. You _selfish_ -!”

“ _Enough_!” Gabrielle exclaimed, shaking her head in disappointment. She pointed at Phil’s throne, her face hard. “Sit down, Philip. Dan’s one of the oldest Gods in the colosseum, and I won’t have you dissing my greatest creation right in front of me. Adoré is right. You both need to make up. I don’t know how much longer of this we can take.”

“It’s been a _thousand years_ ,” Leonidas muttered, making a few chuckles ring out through the crowd. 

Gabrielle ignored him. Phil ignored him. Dan ignored him. Dan stared at his newly painted nails in mild interest. “Stand up. Both of you.” Phil muttered to himself that she’d just told him to sit down, but he stood anyways. Dan stood as well, albeit a bit more slowly. He knew what was coming and he was not excited nor prepared for it. He loved Gabrielle, but sometimes he also _really_ hated her. “Come to the center of the room.” They did just that, and Dan probably looked like a kid who was being yelled at to eat his broccoli. 

“Now hold hands.” 

Dan didn’t move. But Phil did, shaking his head so fast that Dan worried his head was going to pop off and roll onto the floor. “No way,” Phil said, scoffing. “I am _not_ holding his hand.”

Dan frowned at him, and raised his hand as if he were showing off the pretty nail polish there. But instead, his flesh melted away to reveal bones, and he saw as Phil’s nose crinkled in disgust. It made Dan smile gleefully. “What? You don’t want to hold my hand? How rude of you, Phil!” 

“Dan, be nice,” Gabrielle admonished, and Dan sighed, conjuring his flesh back with a mumbled apology. He couldn’t go against the person who was practically his mum, to be honest. “Now hold hands or else I’m going to seriously consider banishing you both to Purgatory.” 

Dan shrugged and he held his hand out. He didn’t want to touch Phil. The thought made his chest hurt and his skin start to crawl, but he hid it the best as he could. He didn’t look at Phil as Phil grabbed his hand, his grip way too tight. It probably would have hurt if Dan had a human body. But he just numbed the part of his hand that Phil was grabbing, so it was almost like they weren’t holding hands at all. He liked the fact that Phil didn’t have the same numbing powers as he did, so he had to feel the way Dan’s hand felt in his, and Dan liked to torture him a little bit. 

“I now bound you two together, until love encompasses hate,” Gabrielle said, and then she touched both of their foreheads with her index finger. There was a warmth in Dan’s forehead where she touched, and a light emitted from her fingers for a moment. 

At first, Dan didn’t think anything had happened, but then he felt something like a chain around his wrist, something that wrapped around his and Phil’s hands, and he glanced down to find that there was nothing actually there. But the implication was there. He and Phil were bound until they could make up. They had to attend each other’s jobs, had to be around each other 24/7. They didn’t have to _hold hands_ the entire time, thank the gods, but they had to be at least five feet away from each other at all times. 

At this point, Dan would have rather taken the condemnation to Purgatory.

-

The first time Dan had to attend Phil’s job with him, it was a strange experience, to say the least. 

When Dan and Phil had first started out, Phil had had no clue how to be the God of Life yet, so Dan had just been making him follow him around instead. It was the same general idea. Whereas Dan sat around waiting for death to happen, Phil granted life to things that needed it. He was there whenever a baby was born, immediately putting a soul into it’s body so they weren’t a meaningless being. 

Dan had seen this sort of thing before with Gabrielle, because whatever jobs didn’t have specific gods assigned to them, Gabrielle would do herself. So Dan had seen many souls enter children before, had seen many flowers bloom, and had seen many animals get birthed. It was always an interesting experience for Dan, because while he could appreciate the beginning of the life, he also couldn’t help but think about the time when he would ultimately take those souls and show them their way to the Underworld. 

It was a depressing thought, so it wasn’t Dan’s favourite thing to accompany.

Phil got unnecessarily angry at him whenever Dan witnessed a birth. He didn’t know _why_ Phil was so angry. He just _was_. Dan always just minded his own business, lurking in the corner of the room as he watched Phil take a soul out of his life pouch or whatever and stuff it into the baby’s mouth. Nobody in the room noticed when this happened, because they were unseen for Phil’s job, and that was probably a good thing.

People would probably freak out over a man dressed in all white stuffing a glowing orb into a baby’s mouth while another man dressed in a cloak watched from the corner. 

“Stop looking at me,” Phil muttered, slinging his bag over his shoulder and zipping it up so he didn’t lose any of the souls contained in it. “It gives me the freaks when you look at me.”

Dan hummed. “Strange, considering you used to _like_ it when I looked at you.”

Phil scoffed and shook his head. He didn’t look at Dan. He barely looked at Dan anymore, as if it disgusted him to even do so. “Things have changed, Dan. Get over it.” 

Dan thought Phil was quite the hypocrite, and he voiced as much. Last he could tell, he wasn’t the one constantly bullying Phil for things out of his control. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’m very over it. I don’t give a shit about what you think of me. And yet, you’re the one who can’t seem to get over the fact that Theos killed your brother and you had to witness me leading him to the Underworld.” 

“Well _you’re_ the one who said you were in love with me and now apparently don’t believe in love anymore. ‘Very over it’, my ass.” 

“My beliefs on love have nothing to do with you and everything to do with me. Get over yourself. Not everything’s about you, Phil.”

They glared at each other and kept the glare going until they popped up in a different place. This time, Dan’s cloak shivered, and he could tell that death was nigh. Phil’s expression, which was already a glare, was now more enraged than ever. Phil always got mad at Dan for doing his job, even though it was just that. His _job_. 

“You know, you could save this person,” Phil said as Dan made his way through the halls, looking for the person who was supposed to be dying. One of the things he hated the most about his job was that he had to _find_ whoever was dying. It was exhausting. Why couldn’t he pop up in the exact spot where they were supposed to be? “You could _save_ them, like you did with me. You don’t have to kill anybody.”

“What, and have another repeat of you?” Dan scoffed, shaking his head. “Not happening.” It was harsh, but it was the truth. If Dan saved a life, the person was going to die anyways. There was literally no point. If he saved everybody and offered them a position as a God or Goddess, then there would be an overflow of immortals. That was obviously not smart,and would just cause chaos in general. 

They came across a garden outside of the house, and Phil tensed up. There were fruits and berries all around, flowers that bloomed and formed a beautiful rainbow. Dan thought it was quite aesthetic, and his cloak quivered a bit with anticipation. He was close.

All of a sudden, a child ran past them, and Phil let out a small gasp. Dan’s chest hurt a little bit for him, for what he was about to see, but he knew that it was part of the agreement, so he could do nothing but watch as the child made his way over to the berries. He was small, about the size of a five year old, if anything, and Dan watched with dull eyes as the child picked a few berries from the bush.

“ _Stop him_ ,” Phil hissed out, shoving Dan towards the child, and Dan shook his head. 

”There’s nothing I can do,” Dan said sadly. And he _was_ sad. He wanted to help. Truly he did. Taking the souls of children was always the most painful thing for him to do, and yet he had to do it. He refused to let himself take pity on a human again. 

He refused to let himself _feel_ like that again. 

Phil scoffed at him, because that was all he could do now whenever he regarded Dan, and then he took a step forward. Dan’s heart sunk. “If you’re not going to stop him, then I will,” he said. 

Dan grabbed Phil’s wrist and tugged him back. The child picked a few more berries so he had a small pile in his hand. He was humming, blissfully unaware of what was awaiting him. Phil turned, and yanked his arm out of Dan’s grasp. “Phil, wait!” Dan exclaimed, jogging to keep up with him. He could see Phil begin to make himself visible to the human eye, and he couldn’t have that. “If you save him, you’re going to regret it! He won’t have a fate if you save him! Theos has chosen his fate, and that’s not to be messed with. If you screw with that, it’ll screw up the timeline.” 

“Oh, _fuck off_ ,” Phil snarled, turning on him. “Just because you made a mistake by saving _me_ doesn’t mean that I’ll make the same mistake. I’m sick and tired of your excuses. It’s time that I take control for a change and do something that’s morally right for once.” 

Dan flinched away from his as if he’d been burned. He pulled his cloak over his face and turned away, knowing that there was nothing he could do. He listened as Phil approached the child, fully visible, and told the child not to eat those, informed him that they were poisonous. Dan felt sick thinking of how the child was going to die in only a few days, stuck in Purgatory forever because there was no longer a place for him on Earth or in the Underworld. 

He didn’t want to think about it. So he turned away, refused to look at Phil as he happily made his way back to Dan. 

“See?” Phil asked triumphantly, and Dan saw the child skipping back into the house out of the corner of his eye. He knew that he would be back. “Was that so hard?”

Dan shook his head in disappointment. Disappointment that Phil hadn’t listen to him, disappointment that Phil was going to have to witness something so horrible and unforgiving in only a few days time. 

“You just made the biggest mistake of your life,” Dan informed him sadly.

He was afraid that this might just destroy Phil - that was the last thing that he ever wanted - but there was nothing he could do.

-

Things went on like that for a few days. Dan watched some babies being born, and Phil begrudgingly followed Dan as he took the souls from human bodies and lead them to a happier place. 

They didn’t speak much, but Dan didn’t mind. He didn't have anything he wanted to say to Phil anyways. It was the least he’d heard out of Phil’s mouth around him since they’d first met, but the silence wasn’t unwelcome in the slightest because as soon as his mouth _did_ open, he was criticising Dan. Always criticising. It got exhausting after a while. 

It was one of those days when Phil was helping deliver a baby when Dan got a horrible feeling in his stomach. His cloak started to quiver, and Dan had the feeling that death was near. He turned to look at Phil in alarm, who was reaching into his pouch to pull out a soul. The baby seemed to be doing fine. It was healthy, breathing, and the doctors were congratulating the mother. 

But as soon as Phil put the soul into the baby, things started going downhill. Not with the baby, no. But with the mother. 

The doctors started to yell to each other about blood loss, and Dan could tell that the mum was losing consciousness quickly. 

“Are you _kidding me_ right now?” Phil hissed, and Dan looked at him with wide, panicked eyes. He hadn’t known. He hadn’t _known_. Phil’s face was white, and he seemed as though he were going to be sick. Dan saw that his hands were shaking.

Dan shook his head, and he was so upset that he could hardly think straight. Normally when a mother passed during childbirth, it would be long after Phil had left. Not while he was still _there_. He didn’t want Phil to see something like this. He didn’t want Phil to know the darkness of the world, the darkness that Dan had grown far too accustomed to. “I didn’t- I didn’t know,” Dan promised, and he couldn’t look at the scene unfolding before him, didn’t want to see it. 

But Phil was still looking. His eyes were sad despite the fury, glued onto the woman’s figure. Dan didn’t think he should be witnessing this. Phil _loved_ bringing life. Even though he had treated Dan like dirt for a thousand years, Dan hadn’t ever wanted to show him something like this. He cursed Theos for making this happen, cursed Adoré for forcing Phil to be by his side at this time. 

“You’re lying,” Phil whispered, but this time it wasn’t accusing in the slightest. It was more melancholy than anything. 

“I’m not lying,” Dan told him, and he moved a little bit closer to Phil, blocking his view. He wanted to reach out and cover Phil’s eyes so he couldn’t see, but he didn’t know how Phil would react to being touched by him, so he did his best at hiding the woman from Phil in any way that he could. “I would never choose to have something like this happen.” 

Phil opened his mouth to respond. He couldn’t see the woman anymore, so he was staring at Dan’s chest, at the silver phoenix pendant that clasped Dan’s cloak together. Dan felt his cheeks begin to feel hot, but now was not the time. So instead, he ignored that and focused on the way his skin was tingling evermore with each passing second. 

Phil didn’t get to answer him, because then the soul of the woman left her body and appeared at Dan’s side. Phil stared at her in horror, and Dan could tell that the woman was scared, so he changed his appearance to one that was the least threatening that he could think up.

He turned his cloak to one of white with gold flower designs all over it. He changed his physical appearance to one of a woman with soft features, pale skin, and rosy cheeks. His hair was now long and blonde, and there was a gold flower headband tying his hair back. His eyes were now blue, mimicked from Phil’s own eyes because he liked the way they looked so much.

“Who... who are you?” the woman asked, voice trembling, and her eyes remained locked on Phil. To her, Phil must have seemed gigantic, towering at least a foot taller than her short frame. He was still emitting that golden glow, but it was dimmed with sadness, and his facial expression of horror was _really_ not helping her out. 

Dan didn’t think before he took them to a different scene, one where doctors _weren’t_ screaming, the deadpanned flatline of the heart monitor making his ears ring. He knew that the woman wouldn’t be able to calm down in an environment like that, so he took them to a grassy field, one where the sun was shining in the blue sky and there were mountains in the distance. 

“Don’t be scared,” Dan said calmly, drawing her attention away from Phil and towards Dan instead. He smiled at her gently, reaching out with his painted gold nails and stroking her cheek. “We’re here to take you to a place where you won’t have to be in pain anymore. A place where you can thrive and live happily from now on and forever.” 

She was still shaking, but she kept her eyes trained on Dan’s face, focusing on the touch of his fingers, which were now stroking her beautiful brown hair. Her eyes were pained, even though Dan knew she was not in pain anymore. But he understood. He knew how scary this could be, and he was there to walk her through it. “Did I- did I die? What about my baby? What’s going to happen to my baby?” 

Dan hushed her and held open his arms, which she fell into. She began to cry, and Dan let her, stroking her hair and hushing her as best as he could. “Your baby is going to be alright, love,” he said softly. “You see Phil over there? He’s the God of Life. He’s going to make sure that your little one is going to have a good life and that she will be very happy.” He didn’t mention that he was personally the God of Death. But he _did_ say, “I’m Dan, and I’m the God that will help you find your way to eternal happiness.” 

Slowly, the woman was beginning to calm down, her tears drying on Dan’s chest and making him feel slightly sticky. But he didn’t shove her away, didn’t do anything but hold her until she felt as though she could let go, wiping off her face. “Am I going to heaven?” she asked, and Dan smiled brightly. 

“It’s a place better than heaven,” he promised, and he knew that Phil was looking at him, was probably judging him, but he couldn’t bring himself to give a fuck. He just wanted to make sure that the woman was okay, that she would accept his help and allow him to bring her to the Underworld. 

“Okay,” she murmured, sniffling. “As long as my baby is okay, I’ll go. Will you stay with me the whole way?”

Dan nodded. “I wouldn’t leave you alone even if I had to,” he promised, and he didn’t even mind when she took his hand, looking for comfort. 

They walked like that, holding hands, through the different dimensions. The woman said that her name was Lea and that she and her husband had decided to name their child Gabrielle. Dan, in turn, told her that he knew a Gabrielle who was the most wonderful person in the cosmos, and that the child was very lucky to be named after such a woman. Phil trailed behind them, not saying a word, just watching as Dan and Lea chattered amongst themselves. 

When the gates to the Underworld came, Lea stopped to look at the statues, and Dan let her. “These are all of the gods?” she asked, her eyes trailing over the statue of Phil before turning and staring at the actual Phil. She smiled. “They’re so accurate.” She then scanned her eyes over the rest of the statues, and her brow furrowed with confusion. “But, where are _you_ , Dan?”

Dan didn’t want to tell her, didn’t want to show her what he actually looked like, but he had a feeling that she would question his authority otherwise, so he lead her over to his own statue with a light frown on his face, bracing himself for the judgement. 

Lea stared at it for a moment. Then she stared at Dan. Then she smiled. Her smile was so bright that Dan felt blinded for a moment, and it was a reaction that completely took him off guard. What was she smiling about? Dan was the _worst_ God. He was the picture of pure evil. So why was she looking at him with such a soft expression? 

“Sorry I’m not so pretty,” Dan muttered awkwardly, suddenly refusing to look at Lea. But Lea took his hand in hers again, and Dan was so surprised by this, that he stared back at her.

“You changed your own appearance so that you wouldn’t scare me,” she told him, taking both of his hands in hers. “You took care of me and reassured me that everything was going to be okay. Maybe you _do_ look like that, but in my opinion, you’re one of the most beautiful and kind gods there are. Thank you. For everything.” She dropped his hands and took a step back, and Dan felt his eyes begin to feel sticky, almost like he was going to cry. 

He’d lead a lot of people to the Underworld, but Lea was the first one to tell him that he was _beautiful_ and _kind_. That… that meant the absolute world to Dan. 

“Thank you,” he said thickly, and they said their goodbyes with a quick hug. Then the doors opened, and Lea disappeared, never for Dan to see again. 

He sniffled, tried to pull himself back together, tried to think past the sudden fog and _confusion_ in his mind. He couldn’t seem to get it through his mind that someone thought he was kind. Someone thought he was a _good_ God. It didn’t seem right, and yet Lea was very vocal about it, thankful for what he’d done for her. 

He’d almost forgotten that Phil was there until he spoke, his voice quiet and soft, full of emotion. He was still sad, that much could be seen, but there was a new light in his eyes that hadn’t been there when he’d looked at Dan before. It reminded Dan of when they’d first met, and it made his head begin to hurt. “She has a point, you know,” Phil said quietly. He looked at the ground, seeming… _ashamed_? “I was absolutely useless, but you were… you were so _good_ to her. I’ve never seen you do that before.”

Dan stared at him, his mind going blank again. First, Lea was saying Dan was a good person, and now Phil was saying he was good? What the fuck was going on? “I…” he started, but Phil cut him off. 

“I don’t know if I fully understand your work,” Phil admitted. “I was so blinded by my rage that I was too quick to hate and never took the time to actually take a step back and look at what you were doing. That was… that was horrible of me to do.” Phil paused, gulped, and Dan was full-out gaping at him. “I don’t expect you to ever forgive me, but I’m sorry. For everything. I think I understand you a little bit better now.” 

Dan swallowed through the cotton wool lodged in his throat. He focused on his appearance to distract himself, and changed back into his most familiar form with the curly brown hair and the dull brown eyes. He didn’t forgive Phil, he knew that it was going to take a lot longer than that to fully make up with him, but he could appreciate the fact that Phil knew he was in the wrong, that Phil had judged too quickly and refused to look at his side of things. “I’m not going to say it’s okay because it’s not,” Dan murmured, and Phil looked at him, tears brimming in those bright blue eyes. “But I appreciate the apology, and I think I’ll be able to forgive you someday. But I’ve also not been the most civil person either, so it’s not all on you.”

Phil chuckled then, wiping his face off. If he was trying to wipe his tears away, it didn’t work because more just showed up in their place. “That’s okay, I’ll just have to work harder to understand you,” Phil said. “But let’s be honest, it was mostly me. Not you.”

“Okay yeah, you’re right. You were a bit of a dick.”

“Hey!” Phil shoved him, and his fingertips left imprints in Dan’s skin through his clothing. This was the first time Phil had touched him in a thousand years, and Dan was suddenly yearning for the time when they used to kiss and hold hands. He was brought back to sweet words whispered in the night, how Dan had started to believe in love. 

He pushed those thoughts away. He had to remind himself that things were different now. Things were _different_. 

And yet, all Dan could feel was hope.

-

When Dan and Phil popped up in a familiar garden, Dan’s dead heart sank. 

“Oh no,” he said as Phil’s expression turned alarmed, because they were in the same garden where Phil had originally saved the child from eating poisonous berries. 

“Why are we back here?” Phil asked, and he had fear in those blue eyes. Dan didn’t like how his face was so scared, how he seemed so upset and taken aback that it had completely morphed his features. 

Dan sighed tiredly. This wasn’t something he’d ever wanted Phil to have to see, but he had no choice now. Turning away from Phil, Dan started glancing around for the child. How would they pass? What was going to happen to them? Dan could only hope that it would be the least painless death possible, because he didn’t want Phil to be so upset that he wouldn’t be able to function. He also didn’t want Phil to hate him again. 

“That’s what I was trying to tell you before,” Dan murmured quietly. “Even if you save a life, their fate has already been decided. They are disconnected from the web of life. They can’t continue to live on for very much longer. That’s why… that’s why you got so sick, after I saved you. The only choice now, is for the soul to either choose to become a god, or else they will be lost in purgatory for the rest of eternity.”

Instead of getting angry like Dan had been expecting, Phil just closed his eyes and took in a deep breath. He exhaled through his nose, and it seemed as though he was trying to keep his cool so that he didn’t blow up on Dan. Dan respected him for that. “Okay… okay.” He knew it was hard for him, knew it was difficult for Phil to accept that there was nothing left for him to do except watch as his creation’s soul either became lost in Purgatory or became a God.

Even then, Dan couldn’t help but wonder: was a mere child even _allowed_ to become a God?

Dan’s cloak began to quiver, that familiar sign of approaching death. He shuffled a bit closer to Phil, a halfhearted attempt at comforting him without actually being able to touch him. They watched, turned all of their attention as the little boy skipped out of the house, humming to himself. Dan briefly wondered where his parents were and why they were never around, but he knew he didn’t have a place to judge their parenting skills. 

He only felt guilty as he watched the boy trip and fall, hitting his head on the ground so hard that the grass a few spaces away began to turn scarlet. If only Dan had done _something_ to warn Phil, had done something to _tell him_ that this would have happened again, that way Phil wouldn’t have to watch the same death happen twice. 

“Oh Gods,” Phil whimpered, and Dan glanced at him to see that he had squeezed his eyes shut. Not knowing what to do, Dan wrapped an uncertain arm around his shoulders, bringing him in close. But instead of being pushed away, Phil only leant into him, hiding his face in his chest.

Dan felt warm all over again, and he tried to push it down, but it was hard when there were feelings long forgotten clawing up his throat, choking him, making his eyes water. He’d tried so hard to push away his emotions for Phil, how much he _adored_ him, that now these feelings were nearly unbearable. He tried to think of something else, something other than how Phil fit perfectly into his side and how he was so warm that it made Dan’s entire body tremble with need, but it was so hard to focus on anything aside from _Phil, Phil, Phil_.

His daydream was broken by the soul of the little boy appearing in front of him, looking lost and scared, and Dan had an inkling of hope that this boy would choose to become a God, that way he would not be lost in Purgatory. Dan knew that this boy did not deserve that. And Phil definitely didn’t deserve the guilt that came afterwards if that were to happen. 

“Phil,” Dan murmured, nudging Phil from his spot cradled to Dan’s side. “You need to talk to him.”

Phil moved, and Dan could see his adam’s apple bob as he gulped. He was probably remembering how Dan had saved his own life, had saved his own soul, and was now worrying about whether he would be able to save this little boy as well. His face was pale as he knelt to the ground so he was eye level with the boy. “Hi, I’m Phil,” he said kindly. “What’s your name?”

“Ethan,” the little boy responded unsurely. “W’as goin’ on?”

Dan moved beside Phil and put on the kindest face he could manage. He rested his hand against Phil’s shoulders, and was still so surprised when Phil seemed to relax under his touch. He didn’t know when he’d become such a relaxing presence to Phil, but he couldn’t complain in the slightest. 

“I’m Phil, and this is Dan,” Phil said. “You may not remember me, but I told you not to eat those berries a few days ago.” Ethan nodded, and it spurred Phil on. He was gaining confidence by the minute, and Dan was proud of him. “I’ve come to ask you if you want to join us from now on? You’ll live with us and we’ll have so much fun together. Would you like that?”

Dan didn’t think that was the best way to go about the question, and he was about to butt in, maybe tell the kid that he could be a _God_ , but the kid took a step back from them. He was shaking his head, and Dan’s hand tightened on Phil’s shoulder. A sinking feeling appeared in his gut. 

“Mummy told me not to go with strangers,” Ethan said, and Phil reached out as if he was trying to grab him, hold him back, keep him from _leaving_ , but Dan’s grip turned to steel and he held him in place. 

“We aren’t strangers,” Phil pleaded, desperate. “Please just come with us! We’ll take good care of you.” 

Ethan shook his head, and he seemed more scared than anything. “No,” Ethan said firmly, frightened. “I don’t want to come with you.” And Dan dropped to his knees beside Phil, gathering him up in his arms and trying to keep him back from following Ethan. Ethan’s soul started to blink, started to dissipate, and then, with a wailing noise from Phil, Ethan disappeared. 

Dan held him close, rocked him back and forth, and Phil was full-on sobbing. It was like Dan was holding Lea again, except this time he felt the sadness come back ten-fold, crushing him under a mighty weight. This was the exact thing that Dan hadn’t wanted to happen, and he was terrified that it was going to _destroy_ Phil. 

Phil was supposed to be the God of Life, the God of all things Holy. He was supposed to be the brightest being in existence, the person who brought hope and happiness and made things _dance_ with joy. Phil was everything that Dan _wasn’t_ and he wasn’t supposed to lose all of that hope and happiness like Dan had. 

“I could have saved him,” Phil whimpered into Dan’s chest, and Dan ran his fingers through Phil’s hair, hushing him. 

“You did everything you could have. It’s not your fault,” Dan whispered back, but Phil was shaking his head as if he didn’t believe him. Dan couldn’t have that. Dan wanted Phil to know that he was the best person in any dimension, that nobody could have been able to stop what had just happened. “You tried your best, and that’s all you could have done. Sometimes we make mistakes and things don’t go the way we planned. And that’s okay. It’s okay to make mistakes. That’s how we learn from them, and how we can better ourselves in the end. But don’t go thinking that this is _your_ fault, because it’s not. You had no idea what was going to happen. Nobody did.”

Phil’s tears were all over Dan’s neck, but Dan didn’t mind. He was going to hold Phil through it all, because he knew how hard it was to _want_ to save someone and fail in the end. He didn’t want Phil to go through this alone. 

After a while of staying in that position, Dan’s back began to hurt, so he gently pried Phil away so he could look into his face. Those blue eyes, which were still as full of life as they were when Dan had first met him, were now rimmed with red and swollen. His cheeks were flushed from crying and his entire face was sickly white. 

Yet, Dan still thought he was the most beautiful being in the entire universe. 

“Let’s go back to the colosseum,” Dan suggested quietly, his voice sounding gentle against the outside breeze. They were still in the garden, the little boy’s body lying only metres away, and Dan knew that Phil would not be able to calm down until they were out of the toxic environment. “Then, you can lay down and try to relax a bit, yeah?”

Phil nodded, and Dan held him close as they crossed the dimensions, until they came to Phil’s room. Dan hadn’t been in Phil’s room since they’d essentially broken up, but it was still the same as he remembered, just with a few more knick knacks lying around. There were little figurines on his shelf and his bed was pristinely made. 

Phil didn’t say anything as he made his way over to the bed and buried himself under the covers, making himself into a sad burrito. Dan hovered by the door, uncertain of what to do. Should he leave Phil to it? Should he sit down on the bed with him? Should he sit on the floor and wait until Phil had fallen asleep?

Phil huffed, and then opened up the blankets, gesturing Dan to lay down with him. “Don’t just stand there, you idiot. Hold me. I’m _sad_.” 

And who was Dan to deny him? 

He slid under the duvet and immediately was overcome with the warmth, the _scent_ of Phil. It was all too much for him, it made his head spin, made the memories come back. Memories of them lying in bed together just like this, wrapped up in each other’s arms. Dan used to like to play with Phil’s hair, used to like to pepper kisses to his cheeks and eyelashes. Now, Dan just held him close, rubbed his hand up and down Phil’s back, his fingertips soothing and making Phil relax as much as possible under the circumstances.

Phil started to cry again when Dan did this, and he buried his face into Dan’s neck. Dan could feel his breath against his skin, could feel the tears dripping from Phil’s cheeks. It was driving Dan absolutely _mad_. He wanted so badly to just lean in and kiss Phil’s forehead, maybe kiss away the salt water from his lashes, but he _couldn’t_ and that killed him, but he was also just grateful for this moment with Phil. He was grateful that Phil was finally trusting him enough to be with him like this again, that Phil trusted him enough to let Dan be his rock during one of his worst moments. 

It took a while for Phil to calm down. When his breath finally soothed out, his tears drying, Dan thought he may have fallen asleep. He was completely tranquil, as if life itself had left Phil’s body. Then he shuffled, turned his face up towards Dan. His eyes were tired, still full of sorrow, and Dan reached up with a quivering hand to wipe away the wetness from under his eyes. 

“I had no idea your job was so hard,” Phil whispered, his voice ragged from crying. “I just, I didn’t _know_. I thought you just didn’t really _care_ about anything, but…” He started to tear up again and Dan brushed the hair from his forehead, trying to display that he understood through touch.

Dan smiled at him. It was a sad smile, but a smile nonetheless. If he had a heart, he reckoned it would have been jumping out of his chest. For some reason, he could feel the ghost vibrations from his once-beating heart. It confused him, but he didn’t dwell on it. “I never would have taken away your brother if I could have avoided it, Phil,” Dan told him sincerely, watching for any signs of hatred or anger to flash in Phil’s eyes. It didn’t come, so he went on. 

“Theos and I work hand-in-hand. Since he’s the God of Fate, he chooses who dies, how they die, and what becomes of them. I just kind of go to where he places me. In a way, he’s my boss. He decides who needs to die, and I just help the soul find their way to safety.” Dan paused for a moment, feeling sheepish. “Admittedly, I pissed Theos off a lot when I saved you. He really wanted me to get punished for it, but Gabrielle wouldn’t allow it. So he’s held a grudge on me since then, and to get revenge, he decided to take your brother’s life. I can honestly say that that was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do, taking away someone you cared about so deeply while also pushing you away from me.” 

Dan sat back and stared at the ceiling. Phil’s ceiling was really interesting, calming, because it displayed the entire galaxy in real time. He liked to just stare at it and guess what each star was called. Most of the times, he was wrong. “I’m sorry. For everything. I’m sorry that you had to see all of the destruction I’ve caused, and I’m sorry that I’ve caused you so much pain. That wasn’t my intention.” He frowned, turned to stare into those vibrant blue eyes that he loved so much. “Will you ever be able to forgive me for what I’ve done?”

Either Dan had made Phil really upset, or he had made him incredibly happy, because Phil began to cry again. It wasn’t the violent sobbing like it was before, but instead the tears softly fell down his cheeks like they were giving him a kiss. Phil’s lips quivered as he nodded, and _that_ was a violent nod. “Yes, yes,” Phil whimpered, and he reached up, grabbed Dan’s face between both of his hands. His hands were hot against Dan’s cold cheeks, spreading warmth all throughout Dan’s body. “I forgive you. For everything.”

And before Dan could really process what was happening, Phil kissed him.

He tasted like something familiar, like raindrops and fresh morning dew. His lips were soft against Dan’s own, and it felt like a promise to be better, a promise to fix this, to _understand_. Dan kissed back with all that he could muster, trying to put forth every single god damned emotion that he was feeling into that kiss. The hope, the hurt, the - dare he say it - _love_. 

Kissing Phil made him feel whole again. For so long, he had been nothing but an empty shell that mindlessly did his job, with no cares in the world. He didn’t know that all this time, he had just been missing Phil, the hole in his heart shrinking and dissipating as Phil pressed himself against him. 

Dan knew that they had a lot to fix. The past doesn’t erase, and there was a lot of pain that’d happened in the last thousand years. But that didn’t matter, because a thousand years was only a tiny slice of time when they have the rest of eternity to patch things up.

For a moment, the past didn’t exist and they had never been apart. They fit together like puzzle pieces, like Yin and Yang, like Life and Death.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading and let me know what you think!


End file.
